Why I'm Not Sending You A Holiday Present

Between 6PM and 10:30PM last night I attempted to mail a Christmas present to my parents' house since I'm flying in for the holidays and it's way too gigantic to come with me unless I wanted to pay Delta $50 to lose/break it. Since I seriously don't trust the Post Office to get things anywhere on time, I decided to try FedEx. I'd spent about an hour getting the package all wrapped up in brown paper and a roll and a half of packaging tape so that it would securely get to where it needed to go without being completely obvious what it was. It's a Christmas present. It already came in a box. I didn't see the need to try to find another equally as gigantic box to put it in to disguise it, I just wrapped it in brown paper. Totally fine, right? Not right.

I got over to the FedEx (it should be noted here that I was kinda in a hurry since I was already late for something), and the guy behind the counter apparently really needed to look at the copy machine that no one was using and informed me that "Tom" would be right with me. So I waited for about 2 minutes until this "Tom" (who I was starting to think was fictitious) came out. He asked me if I wanted to send something. I said yes. He said, "You have to take the brown paper off." I said, "It's a Christmas present. I don't want them to know what it is." He said, "I can't send it with paper on it." I asked why and he told me that it was because the paper might rip and get stuck on their conveyor. He didn't offer me any solutions. He didn't offer me any alternative packaging. He didn't really offer me anything, he just told me to take the paper off. I said no. He said I had to. I said I'd just go to the Post Office since they don't care about brown paper.

So I did. Well, first I went to the thing I was late for. Then I went to the Post Office.

Yes. I went to the Post Office at 9:30PM. Because that's when I have time to go to the Post Office.

First I tried the one that's located at MSP Airport. It's open 24 hours. I thoroughly appreciate a Post Office that's open when people are NOT at work. I pretty much ONLY use that Post Office to mail things now. BUT! Upon arriving, I realized that after I waited 15 minutes to get in the parking lot, I would then have to wait for about another 2 hours in line before I got to the desk. Further proof that Post Offices need to be open past 5PM!!! So, I aborted that plan, since I knew that at least the Post Office on the other side of town had an Automated Postal Center, and I thought the closer one (yes, the closer one that I reference in the above link) had recently put one in. So. At least I can MAIL things if not pick them up. I stopped at the closer PO and found that they did have an APC. So. I went in.

I should point out that the dimensions of this box are 15"x9"x12". It's pretty huge. The first question that the APC asked me was, "Will your package fit in the shipping bin?" Well, I honestly didn't know, so I attempted to open said shipping bin and find out. Except that it wouldn't open. It was either locked, or jammed full, or something, but it absolutely wouldn not open. So I said no. And the APC told me to see a teller. Well, as it was 9:45 that wasn't really an option, so I decided to try again, say yes, print the label, and get it sent out in the morning with the postage already on it. Except that the stupid bin not opening had me so frustrated that I just kinda started pushing buttons until the APC told me "I'm sorry. I can't help you." Which just made me angry. So, I decided to head to the other side of town.

Upon arrival at about 10:00 or so, I went in, headed to the APC with the "just say it fits and get the postage printed" plan, and set about my task. This bin was ALSO either locked or stuck or needed some sort of magic word to get it open, but I wasn't going to let it defeat me this time. I just acted as though I were going to ship it in the bin, told it the relevant info, and expected it to print me the sticker. Well. After I'd gotten everything entered and it told me how much my postage would be (JUST before it asked me to pay, actually) the APC said, "I'm sorry. I'm out of paper right now so I can't print this for you. Please see a teller." Again. Not an option. It was 10:15 PM now.

That's right. FedEx, 3 Post Offices, and still no postage. I thought....I COULD head back to the airport office, but really......I could be in line there all night. So, I went back to Post Office 2 (the one closest to my house), filled out the info as though I were sending it, it printed me a sticker, and I took the package home to get mailed in the morning.

FedEx. 3 Post Offices (one of them twice). Still not mailed. But at least it has postage on it.