Bakeries Everywhere...You Might as Well Stop Trying

My friends....I have just eaten some of the greatest cake in the entire world. Ever. Definitive. No exaggerating, no overdramatics, just pure and simple fact.

I do not know where this cake is from. I do not know who made this cake. All I know is that it was in a box in the lunchroom at work and it instructed us to eat it. So eat it we did. Or rather, because I cannot eat cake without severe repercussions later on in my day, I scraped some of the frosting off the knife. And then off the side of the box. And then off the bottom of the box. And before I knew it, I was standing next to the box savagely harvesting frosting from every available non-cake surface and shoveling it into my mouth with my fingers in pure, primal fashion.

This cake is so good, that if I didn't have very important things to do tonight, I would eat a piece of it. And in 6 hours when I felt like I was going to die as the gluten was eating a hole inside of me, I would still not regret eating this cake.

As I lay there, thinking about death, I would think to myself: "If that was my last meal, it was TOTALLY worth it."